Talking vs. Communication

People have strong opinions. And they should. Strong opinions are part of what makes our experiences meaningful. Having a strong opinion gives us something to stand for. Opinions give us passion and having passion is part of feeling alive. This is not about changing your strong opinions. This is about a different part of communication that is so often missed.

Instead of a give and take, communication has become a one way road to nowhere. It has become one dimensional; one directional. It’s an outpouring of opinion but, all too often, no attention is given to the hearing and listening. Communicating has served us well and allowed us as humans to thrive. It is how societies organized, provided structure, and fostered connections. It helped us create cultures and art and religions and languages. But it also has a down side. We talk so much and the internet has provided an entirely different venue to talk. Why is it that the more ways we have to communicate, the less communication actually happens?

One reason is that our society values being heard, but not hearing. We value getting our point across but not understanding. Perhaps it’s too vulnerable to share space with a different opinion. We worry that it will show doubt or weakness. Maybe passion is so strong, it’s impossible to imagine how someone could think differently. The reasons these misfires of communication happen are vast and depend on the individual but there is one common thread to explore.

Many conversations start with an agenda. An “If you’re not with me, you’re against me” agenda. This agenda makes it impossible for real communication to happen. Real communication is speaking AND hearing. Both elements are necessary for communication and dialogue to be meaningful. Sadly, we are tricked into believing that if we have been the most forceful, showed the most passion, and argued our point harder, we’ve “won”.

What would happen if our agenda changed? What if we were curious instead of defensive? What if we were able to have conversations that explore and invite; keeping our own opinion while at the same time honoring the difference? How refreshing would it be to talk with each other instead of talk at each other?

This post, in itself, is a one way form of communication. Please feel free to comment/share/ debate! This is not a “how-to” of communication; but instead an invitation to evaluate how we, as a whole, connect with one another. Regardless of political, religious, or life views, wouldn’t it be nice to hear AND be heard? Connecting in a meaningful way can be contagious; you may start to crave it and invite the people in your life to the party.

Be Well!